Breakups, hookups, and everything in between. On this episode of Vanderpump Rules, Ariana reaches her breaking point after letting her anger get the best of her. Katie and Schwartz become part of an awkward love triangle as they vie for the attention of Tori, Scheana’s nanny who never was. Plus, Jo and a newly blonde Schwartz reassess their situation and realize that maybe they need some time apart.
The beach day continues, and so does the drama between Sandoval and Ariana. Ariana is annoyed because she feels like everyone keeps “shoving him” down her throat, and it’s like, um, yes, Ariana… you ARE on a TV show with him, so there’s that. Brock feels like Sandoval has been “castrated,” and Ariana lets Brock know that she is allowed to feel however she wants to after all Sandoval has done to her. And the last thing Ariana wants to hear is Lala trying to add her thoughts on the situation.
After Ariana’s blow-up, Sandoval and Schwartz remove themselves from the situation and head to the bar. Sandoval points out that HE is the one who stocks the house of “pens and batteries,” and Ariana will be in for a rude awakening when she gets her own place because, according to him, she does nothing.
As things calm down at the beach, the mood changes to Scheana’s matchmaking. Although Scheana doesn’t have the best track record with it, now that Katie is over Schwartz, Scheana is thinking of setting him up with Tori, her former nanny, who never was really a nanny. But there’s a plot twist… Katie wants to date Tori, too.
The beach crew packs up and goes to the same bar that Schwartz and Sandoval escaped to. While the Toms flirt with randoms, Tori joins the situation, cozying up with Schwartz. It turns out that at Hotel Ziggy, Tori told Schwartz she thought he was cute, but they’ve yet to go on an actual date. Schwartz officially asks Tori out, and then Katie wanders over, seemingly out of the blue… or to cock block Schwartz? It’s unclear if Katie actually likes Tori, or if she just likes the idea of taking something that Schwartz is interested in…
Lala lets Ariana know that she can only control herself, and the anger she feels about Sandoval is unhealthy. Ariana shares that Sandoval knew the deepest, darkest parts of her, and he just threw it all away. She seems to break down for the first time over her “dream home,” and she cannot believe that he thinks he is deserving of keeping it when she put her money and effort into it. She explains the situation as traumatic, and she is trying to not make it everyone else’s problem.
In the meantime, Katie and Tori begin to get closer as Schwartz wanders away. Katie shares that she has had sex with a girl and that she just “likes people.” Katie explains that she has never really acted on her attraction to women, and when Tori says, “I want to kiss you so bad,” they proceed to smooch right in the bar, many times, even though Schwartz just asked Tori out on a date.
Later, Jo and Lala meet up for the most random hotdog date ever invented — brought to you by production. Lala looks like she is ready for the club as she sits down to discuss what went down with Jo at Hotel Ziggy. Jo wants to be welcomed into the group, and she feels like “Lala is the ticket to that.” Lala cannot believe that Jo didn’t know that Sandoval and Raquel were together, but Jo claims that she thought Sandoval and Ariana had broken up. At the end of the scene, it seems like “T-Money and Joseph” (Jo’s words) are closer than Schwartz lets on.
James is the only dude in attendance at Top Golf. Katie talks about her makeout sesh with Tori and lets everyone know that Tori is going out on a date with Schwartz later that day. James asks Katie what everyone else is thinking and points out how weird this love triangle is. Speaking of weird situations, Ariana shares that she has to wait to see if Sandoval will counter her counter, and she explains that she would eventually like to be in more of a treehouse vibe that she can make just her own.
Lala brings Scheana along with her to the cryobank. Lala explains that she loved being pregnant, and she doesn’t want the unknown for her next baby, so she has decided to go to a sperm bank. Most people come to donate sperm to help others, and all donors in the program have a full psych evaluation and genetic screening. Lala explains that she is going to throw a party and bring love to help her select her donor. Lala becomes emotional talking about forming her family since what she pictured has been shattered. She talks about how she failed the innocent soul, but it wasn’t because of her, so she will not risk it again.
OF COURSE, Scheana changes the subject to treading lightly with Ariana. Lala is tired of talking about it. Ariana just needs to move out, and Scheana and Lala believe it’s more Ariana’s pride that is holding her back from moving out.
We witness Schwartz getting that infamous bleached hair courtesy of Jo, and let me tell you, it’s worse than we remember it. While in the hair chair, Schwartz tells Jo about his date with Tori, and Jo acts like she doesn’t care. Schwartz talks about how bizarre it is that he is sharing the same girl with Katie, and interestingly enough, while Schwartz prepares to ruin his life by bleaching his hair, Katie is hosting Tori at her house for a date. Schwartz mentions he will be attending a singles event with Sandoval, and Jo awkwardly invites herself to attend with them.
The ladies head out for a girls’ night, and they discuss Katie’s love life. Then, Lala mentions that she had a hotdog date with Jo, which is so random and so on-brand. Katie becomes infuriated that Lala needs to feel bad for Jo, but in Lala’s eyes, Jo seems harmless. Schwartz gave Jo her name to reach out, and so Lala did. Katie feels like it doesn’t make sense, and it doesn’t feel consistent to her. At some point, according to Lala, Katie needs to let it go, and she wishes her all the best with that. Mic drop.
Schwartz claims to embrace his “pre-midlife-crisis mode” with his new blonde hair, and at the singles event, it is clear that Schwartz and Jo are on two different pages. As Schwartz chats it up with another lady and eventually kisses her, Jo becomes super jealous, considering she thought they were there to support Sandoval. It feels like Jo is in it a little more than Schwartz is, and Jo explains that they still hook up and that they say “I love you” to each other. She’s sick of feeling like a secret, and she is upset that Schwartz isn’t sharing this information with his friends.
It’s time for a paintball adventure to begin, and as the guys listen to the instructor, Scheana, Lala, and Ally are more than happy to sit back and watch this unfold. I cannot get over Sandoval in his personal paintball gear. Lala discusses the energy at girls’ night, and she explains to Ally that she has been getting into it with Katie a lot lately. Katie was upset at Lala for going to lunch with Jo, and she questioned Lala’s loyalty and consistency when KATIE is the one who just screwed her ex’s best friend. Lala refuses to be on the receiving end of Katie’s anger.
Things are awkward between Schwartz and Jo after the singles event. Schwartz keeps explaining that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, and Jo asks him outright if he’s embarrassed by her. Schwartz talks about their “fantastic voyage” and their easy, weird connection, but when Jo lets Schwartz know she has feelings for him, she decides to take some time away from him. She doesn’t want to pressure him and reminds Schwartz that what they have only comes around once in a while. Jo just wants him to be happy, as he is her favorite person in the world, and she is legit upset to see *whatever they had/have* end.
